Time Of Month
by SuprChrgdBullet
Summary: Rose is at that time of month. The Doctor has a tampon. Why? Humorous! COMPLETE!
1. Sticker?

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, they all belong to BBC. And I ain't making money off of this, so please don't sue!

Rose held her coffee mug (which was actually filled with tea) in both hands, and she sat there silently, staring blankly at the wall across from the table. She was at that 'time of month'. Cramps and a new pair of stained underwear. The only thing that sucked about being female were those dreadful periods.

She sighed and let her head drop to the table. She knew she shouldn't be drinking anything with caffeine, but she wanted tea. Even though it would probably magnify the damned cramps.And she heard footsteps come into the kitchen. As much as she wanted to look up and see who it was, she just stayed there, waiting paitiontly for the cramps to diminish.

"Hey, good lookin'."

Jack.

"What?" She slowly looked up and saw he was leaning over the table, staring at her.

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Wishing they'd go away."

"What are you talking about?"

"Need you ask?"

He just stood there for a moment and blinked. Then cocked his head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Voices, Jack." Rose just stared at him, hoping for a panicked reaction to maybe take her mind off of the cramps.

"Very funny." And he sat down on the chair beside her.

She let her head fall back onto the table.

"I wonder what the Doctor's doin'..." Jack thought aloud.

"I dunno, but my pad's stickin' to my ass." Rose looked back up.

Jack made a face.

"I really, really didn't need to know that." 


	2. Tampon

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing, they all belong to BBC. And I ain't making money off of this, so please don't sue! 

After her, uh, pad issues with Jack, Rose had decided to go and visit the Doctor. Maybe she could learn a thing of two about the T.A.R.D.I.S.? Maybe even help him with it?

Rose bit her lip, conitnuing into the console room.

"Hey, Doctor." She mumbled, holding her side. Arg, damn those cramps!

"What's eatin' you, Rose? Jack do something stupid?" The Doctor asked, coming out from his usual spot under the console. He flashed her his infamous grin and put his hands on his hip, holding the sonic skrewdriver in his left hand.

"In a way, Jack did do something stupid. But nothing to bad."

"What'd he do?" The Doctor was still grinning.

"Well..." Rose stared at him. "He asked me what I was doing, I told him wishing they would go away. And he asked what, and I told him about my period, my pad stickin' to my butt. He said he didn't want to know, even though he asked." Rose wrinkled her nose.

The Doctor's grin faded and he paused.

"Hm... Well," He pulled a tampon out from his coat pocket. "This should prevent that." He threw it to her.

She caught it. She stared at it.

"Doctor, what the HELL are you doing with this?" She looked at him.

The Doctor paused again, staring at Rose. After a bit he grinned.

"Does it matter?"

Rose grinned back at him.

"You have a girlfriend?"

"No, Rose-"

"The Doctor has a girlfriend! The Doctor has a girlfriend!" Rose sang, rather loudly.

Jack ran in.

"What? No! Yes. I get to keep Rose!" Jack grinned as Rose's grin fell.

Without hesitation, Rose thumped him on the head.

"Ow!" Jack squealed.

"No, I don't have a girlfriend." The Doctor hurridly said.

"Sweeet. I get both you and Rose!"

They both thumped him without a moment's hesitation.

"Ooooh, c'mon! Can't you two take a compliment?" Jack whined.

"No!" Rose and the Doctor said, both crossing their arms.

"Are you-" Rose was cut off by the Doctor.

"A woman? No."

"Then why do you-" Again, she wa cut off.

"DA DA DA DA DA DITDITDIT! NOT LISTENING!" The Doctor plug his eras with his index fingers.

Jack put his hands behind his back.

"Okay, what are we babbling about?

"Drop it! Both of you! You don't need to know!"

"But I never knew!" Jack whined.


	3. Drip Drop

DISCLAIMER: Don't own Doctor Who. Belongs to BBC. I ain't got money, so don't sue!

A/N: I realise that the T.A.R.D.I.S. doesn't, but I wanted to, and she could, right? So, yeah.

Rose was sitting in her room. Well, she wasn't thinking about her cramps anymore. She was pondering on why the Doctor had a tampon. (Which she was so greatfully using.)

Jack was beside her, probably thinking about the same thing.

"Sooo... Why do you think he had a tampon?" Jack asked.

Yup.

"I still go with 'he has a girlfriend'." Rose said.

Rose sighed. What could he have possibly done with it? HE, the Doctor. Hmmm...

Jack perked up.

"Maybe he's a shape shifter?" Jack looked as if he was in a dream-like state.

Rose made a face.

"You are so you, you know that?"

"Eh?" Jack snapped out of it. "Well, you can join, too-"

Thump!

"Ow." Jack whined.

((((THE DOCTOR'S POV)))))))

The Doctor was under the T.A.R.D.I.S.' console, tampon in hand. It was such a simple little device. Small, absorbent.

Perfect.

He reached into a small compartent.

And pulled out a used tampon. No, it wasn't bloody, but it was wet.

The T.A.R.D.I.S. had sprung a leak, and he had tried EVERYTHING to plug it up... And nothing worked, so one day he aquired, well, ALOT of tampons. And they fit perfectly in the little hole.

Now he's grossed himself out.

(((O)))

Review all mighty Reviewers! You are my reason to continue!


	4. Arts'n'Crafts

A/N: Okay, for this chapter credit is due to deadgloves; s/he helped ALOT with the structure of this chapter. Thanks, deadgloves! And I'm going to start ignoring some of you reviewers. A couple of you actually were constructive, and I thank you for your honesty, but some of you... Well, I'm not going to read bad feedback anymore. If you think that this is a gross story, don't read. There. Problem solved. Oh, and I'll try to get them more into charactor, but for those of you hung up on 'what's eatin' you, Rose?', if you watch the new series, the Doctor DOES use phrases from other places. And HE'S NOT BRITTISH. So, he doesn't have to talk like one. Now about Rose... I'm trying!

((((((JACK'S POV)))))))

Jack was walking down the halls of the T.A.R.D.I.S, thinking. What could the Doctor possibly be doing with those... girly sticks? The Doctor is male, right? He looks it. He sounds it. But is he? Now he really wants to get into his pants. Only way to know.

Jack grinned. Okay, so he just wants to skrew him. Whatever, same thing.

He stopped at a door. Hm... what was in there?

Jack reached for the handle and opened it. All he saw was blackness. He stepped in.

"There must be a light-switch somewhere..." Jack started feeling the walls. Light-switch...whre are you...

Creak.

"What?" He turned around as the door closed. "No!"

And the lights went on.

"T.A.R.D.I.S.!" Jack glared at the roof. "Open the door!" Jack put his hands on his hips. "Fine, whatever." He turned. He screamed. What he saw was so terrifying, he thought he was going to die.

(((((ROSE'S POV)))))

Rose yawned. She was looking for Jack. She was wondering if he would want to search the T.A.R.D.I.S., maybe find out why the Doctor had tampons. Obviously the Doctor didn't plan on telling them.

Rose sighed. She had to pee.

After she had gone to the bathroom, she had found she needed another tampon.

"Doctor!" She came into the console room. "Doctor!"

He came out from underneath the console, looking up at her as she stood above his head.

"Uh-huh?" He said, a look of frustration on his face.

"I need a tampon." Rose felt a bit weird. She didn't know why she was feeling weird now, but she was. She thought maybe it was because she usually went to her mother for stuff like this...

" 'Ere you go." He searched his pocket then gave her another one.

Rose nodded her thanks and went back to the bathroom.

((((((JACK'S POV))))))

"Girly sticks!" He cowered back onto the door. "T.A.R.D.I.S.! Let me OUT!" He was panicking.

After afew minutes, he settled down. Okay, there was no need to painick. It wasn't like they were used... They were still wrapped. They weren't bloody.

Jack whimpered. He wanted out. And he wanted out NOW.

((((((DOCTOR'S POV))))))

After about an hour of tinkering with the T.A.R.D.I.S., the Doctor had went ot the kicthen. He wanted tea.

He started making his tea when Rose came in.

"Doctor! I can't find Jack anywhere!"

The Doctor turned to her.

"Rose, he probably is watching porn or something." The Doctor said. She didn't really need to be panicking.

Rose glared.

"I've been looking for about an hour! C'mon! Where could he have gone?"

The Doctor shurgged. The T.A.R.D.I.S. wouldn't let Jack near anything too dangerous. He wasn't much worried.

(((((JACK'S POV)))))

Jack was sitting on the floor. A box of opened tampons was beside him. A horse made of tampons was infront of him, and now he was working on a stable.

Yep, he was making a farm out of tampons. He wasn't horrified anymore; he was bored. He didn't know how long he'd been in here, but it was killing him. He was soooo bored.

"Ah!" He put the last tampon in its place. There it was, his little tampon stable. "Now, the horse needs a rider..."

(((((ROSE'S POV)))))

"What could Jack have possibly gotten himself into?" The Doctor asked. "He's probably fine, Rose."

"I'm still going to look for him."

"Rose, he's fine, I'm sure."

Rose scoffed.

"He has his way." Rose continued down the hall, then the Doctor stepped infront of her.

"I have an idea where he might be." The Doctor's face became worried. "C'mon."

Rose nodded and followed him.

((((JACK'S POV))))

Jack had made a horse, a rider, a stable and a barn.

"HEEE-YAAA!" He had the little rider on the horse and was 'rounding up' invisible cattle. Jack started immitating the squeal of a pig, then stopped. "Wait, rounding up cows, not pigs..." He started mooing.

He laughed like a maniac.

"I've got you, you little bugger!" He laughed again.

Creak.

His back stiffened. He stood up and turned around. The door was opened, and Rose and the Doctor were laughing.

"Er..." He dropped the horse. "What's so funny? I've been locked in here for..." He paused. "Actually, I'm not sure how long, but long enough to do that!" He pointed to the little farm.

"You were right, Doctor." Rose stiffled the laugh. "He's fine."

Jack glared.

"It's not funny. I never want to touch a girly stick again!" Jack crossed his arms. "Now, let me out!" He pushed by them, then stopped. He turned to face the Doctor. "Why do you have all those tampons?"

The Doctor sighed.

"The T.A.R.D.I.S. has a leak."

Rose and Jack stared at the Doctor.

"That's ALL? You refused to tell us THAT?" Jack said.

Rose shook her head.

"You are unbeleivible, Doctor."

The Doctor shrugged.

"It's just embaresing, you know, that I have all those." He pointed to the tampons.

Jack and Rose shook their heads and left the Doctor, laughing.

Silly Doctor. 


End file.
